Scene 1
Friend : why ! why ! why !
Me : why what ?
Friend : Boys ! guys ! man ! grrr....they never grow up !
Me : errkkk ...??
Friend : don't they have brains !
Me : sigh *** girls...boys - all the same laaa....
Scene 2
Me : wassup ?
Friend : can i ask you smthg ?
Me : shoot
Friend : why relationships sour.. ?
Me : errrkkkkk....
Friend : why did he change !!! why la !!
Me : here we go again... sigh***
This is a common conversation among friends...especially mine. there are several questions that even crossed my mind. hmm...finally, i concluded : the root problem : expectations ! It doesn't matter what
kind of relationship you are in..Expectations on the part of the people in the
relationship play a large part in determining the health of that relationship. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.
For some common cases : In the beginning of any courtship, the guy tends to go all out and seem very persistent to get her attention. The girl on the other hand will play hard to get. She just wants to be sure of what she's getting into. Once the guy succeeds... the honeymoon period starts. after some time...it slowly fades. everyone gets busy with their lives and then problem comes in..in the form of expectations
Expectations are in the 'eye of the beholder'.We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and
our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or
disappointed. Please note : problems are
not to break couples...it is actually a medium for them to work together and find a solution.
Needs must be
communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled
for you to know you have a healthy love relationship. Treat your relationship with respect. I can never accept excuses given by girls or guys who cheats. If you are in a committed relationship and for some reason you 'fall out of love'...(wo)/man up, and tell the truth. let go of the person before moving on with someone else.
It's only difficult if you tell yourself it's difficult. Stop giving excuses. You are who you are and your partner is who he/she is. Don't try to change them. If you love them, accept them for who they are. Make efforts to keep your relationship alive. don't wait for them...you make the first move. When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those
needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they
can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond
what you ever could have imagined!
Stop expecting..Disappointment
follows unfulfilled expectations. The predicaments that follow are predictable.
If your relationship is not full of surprises, it is most likely very boring
and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and
creative attitude to embrace.
This was my advice to a friend last week. Love is about discovering oneself and your other half. If you think few months or years is enough...well...think again. I envy looking at older generations / couples.. my parents, my grandparents.. i long for that solidarity in a relationship. god bless them. Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also
learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled.
This will always generate lots of surprises. That is when the adventure begins;
the adventure the heart was crying for. Surprises create a sense of adventure;
surprises you can enjoy together; surprises that create new and exciting
possibilities for the two of you to experience. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. They
bring couples together and give them something to share. When two people really
love each other and are committed to work together, those kind of surprises
create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to
self-inquire, to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand
together, to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to
be okay.
; )
p/s...i am definately not a certified psychiatrist or anything ..ok. Just enjoy reading ya'll...
