Eva Natasha: October 2012

Scene 1

       Friend : why ! why ! why !
       Me : why what ?
       Friend : Boys ! guys ! man ! grrr....they never grow up !
       Me : errkkk ...??
       Friend : don't they have brains !
       Me : sigh *** girls...boys - all the same laaa....

Scene 2

       Me : wassup ?
       Friend : can i ask you smthg ?
       Me : shoot
       Friend : why relationships sour.. ?
       Me : errrkkkkk....
       Friend : why did he change !!! why la !!
       Me : here we go again... sigh***

This is a common conversation among friends...especially mine. there are several questions that even crossed my mind. hmm...finally, i concluded : the root problem : expectations ! It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you are in..Expectations on the part of the people in the relationship play a large part in determining the health of that relationship. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.

For some common cases : In the beginning of any courtship, the guy tends to go all out and seem very persistent to get her attention. The girl on the other hand will play hard to get. She just wants to be sure of what she's getting into. Once the guy succeeds... the honeymoon period starts. after some time...it slowly fades. everyone gets busy with their lives and then problem comes in..in the form of expectations

Expectations are in the 'eye of the beholder'.We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. Please note : problems are not to break couples...it is actually a medium for them to work together and find a solution.

Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship. Treat your relationship with respect. I can never accept excuses given by girls or guys who cheats. If you are in a committed relationship and for some reason you 'fall out of love'...(wo)/man up, and tell the truth. let go of the person before moving on with someone else.

It's only difficult if you tell yourself it's difficult. Stop giving excuses. You are who you are and your partner is who he/she is. Don't try to change them. If you love them, accept them for who they are. Make efforts to keep your relationship alive. don't wait for them...you make the first move. When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined!

Stop expecting..Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. The predicaments that follow are predictable. If your relationship is not full of surprises, it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace.

This was my advice to a friend last week. Love is about discovering oneself and your other half. If you think few months or years is enough...well...think again. I envy looking at older generations / couples.. my parents, my grandparents.. i long for that solidarity in a relationship. god bless them. Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. This will always generate lots of surprises. That is when the adventure begins; the adventure the heart was crying for. Surprises create a sense of adventure; surprises you can enjoy together; surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. They bring couples together and give them something to share. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together, those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire, to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay.

; )

p/s...i am definately not a certified psychiatrist or anything ..ok. Just enjoy reading ya'll...

A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act - Mahatma Gandhi

This post is dedicated someone very close to my heart...someone who deserves the best of the best.. someone who is so humble in life even when she made the biggest sacrifice in life. my friends always tell me "you are good daughter".. I always correct them : nop, my sister is better...actually the best daughter any parents could get. Being the eldest, you carry a certain responsibility in life &family. Even though i am the eldest, clearly my sister held the most responsibility. She was the rock. Regardless of being the youngest...she stood strong despite what came. I know she was very scared as I am but she did not show it. When dad was sick and I had to work in KL, she was there taking care of the family at home. Now, after completing her law degree, she willingly gave up her dream of becoming a lawyer to take care of mom. When anyone ask her why, she says mom is her life. How noble is that. She has done more than all that.

All I ask from God each passing day is to bless both mom & her ... they are my life. Willingness to give up your life, career and selflessly taking care of others requires a really BIG heart. I am fortunate and blessed to have a sister with such heart. I know I can never repay you. I know a zillion 'thank you' will never be enough. This is priceless. No matter what, please remember I am grateful.. forever. Only God can repay your kindness, love and sacrifice... I am blessed indeed. Thank you GP.