The Passenger-Let Her Go

 

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

 

~The Passenger~

 

Sometimes some songs mean just so much more than just words...thank you RVP

24.02.2013

Today would of been dad's 62nd birthday.

The hole in our heart remains and we try to keep it plugged with memories of you, carrying on the legacy of family, and taking care of each other.
 

We'll keep his memory alive,

and honor all he believed

And just feel so very grateful

For all his love that we received

Happy Birthday Dad

Forever in our heart

 

 

 

 

Goodbye 2012....Hello 2013

we learn this along the way....

Keep the smiles,
Walk past the tears.
Forget your worries
And look forward to the coming year

you, me and everyone we know...

Our best thoughts come from others...(RWE)

this post is from a dear friend...
once in a while...along the way, we meet people who's going thru somehwat similar to what we went thru...this person is one. I am grateful to her...for giving me the permission to publish it here. Why ? what she wrote reflected what i felt once... besides, she is a strong person.Thank you again.

hate cancer

Just wanting to make a memorable note to myself. In 5-7 years from now, this might be a bitter sweet shit that i might feel i) sad ii)frustrated iii) regretted, doing. But i know deep down i would be glad.

I heard this question once, if you have a choice, would you rather know when you are going to die or would you just dont want to know? It's a question that would never have a right or wrong answer.My father is dying. Everyone is. But he is dying sooner, or rather, it is somewhat can be calculated. My heart shattered to a zillion pieces that would sip through any fine sieves, when i knew he is fighting cancer. I know he is a fighter. And he will fight the sucker down. But i still cant imagine life without him.

I touched his frail skin, put on his socks (for the first time), wipe off blood that had accidently squirted from his needle line just now. This past days, i had done things that i had never did for him. I helped him with his ablution. I cant stop thinking this may be my only chance.It's true that people say, as cliche and as unbullshitting truth that this words of wisdom stands true, u only wish you had more time with your parents when you know you gonna lose them, no matter how much you hated them once, or how much they treated you badly, you would beg to have another day, and wipe away all the bad ones so that you can have them forever.

I feel blessed that my dad had been around always. With his watchful eyes and undettered principes. He had always instill no bullshit policy that i always try and sometimes manage to beat (and paid the consequences). I dont want this note to be about him and what he is, coz i knw that and i will always have that, and want that to remain as my memories. I just want to document this feeling that i have now, the feeling of being lost, coz i dont know if im gonna lose him soon, or if he would stay on. I wanna record this feeling of looking at my mom and knowing that she is holding on strong for my dad. The worried faces of my relatives after knowing that yes, it is cancer and yes he is dying. The bullshit that some of my relatives made due to panic/uncomprehensional stress out of knowing that someone so strong will can fell ill.

I wish sometimes god let me in on what he has planned for me.I was told by a confused boy that everything happened for a reason and there is always a silver lining. I dont know what's is there to see, if you had cancer? Where is the silver lining? I was told that it is not hereditary, it is a genetic abnomality. My aunt died of cancer, now my dad is diagnose with one. I think i'm fucked too.

I know this resentment shit is from my stress. I dont want to sugar coat my words coz i really feel like shit. i wish there is a cure. I hope ayah will stay on.Im just sad that i am still a loser and he didnt get the chance to see me be somebody yet. Im just pissed that i wished things had worked out and i can at least make him feel that he can go on in peace. Right now, i see that he has worries for me, the fact that im still single, i feel may be he worries that there is no one that will ever take care of me.

I wonder if it is good enough to let him know that i can take care of myself, despite whatever.

I was told, you can have a friend wherever you go, you can be accompanied, you can never be alone. But you will be alone once you die. But i swear i will always keep him company with my prayer. And i wont let him go. Even if right now he is still with me, i hate that he is slipping away. I just hate how i feel right now, and i hate what is happening. And i hate everything that is going on.

God. u know what's best, always. i wrote this when my dad got his diagnose (the day after i think)

    F.I

 

sigh...

p/s...I still regret for being a friend to that someone who's such a fake.....how can i be so stupid !

...of expectations & all

Scene 1

       Friend : why ! why ! why !
       Me : why what ?
       Friend : Boys ! guys ! man ! grrr....they never grow up !
       Me : errkkk ...??
       Friend : don't they have brains !
       Me : sigh *** girls...boys - all the same laaa....

Scene 2

       Me : wassup ?
       Friend : can i ask you smthg ?
       Me : shoot
       Friend : why relationships sour.. ?
       Me : errrkkkkk....
       Friend : why did he change !!! why la !!
       Me : here we go again... sigh***

This is a common conversation among friends...especially mine. there are several questions that even crossed my mind. hmm...finally, i concluded : the root problem : expectations ! It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you are in..Expectations on the part of the people in the relationship play a large part in determining the health of that relationship. Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.

 

For some common cases : In the beginning of any courtship, the guy tends to go all out and seem very persistent to get her attention. The girl on the other hand will play hard to get. She just wants to be sure of what she's getting into. Once the guy succeeds... the honeymoon period starts. after some time...it slowly fades. everyone gets busy with their lives and then problem comes in..in the form of expectations

 

Expectations are in the 'eye of the beholder'.We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. Please note : problems are not to break couples...it is actually a medium for them to work together and find a solution.

Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship. Treat your relationship with respect. I can never accept excuses given by girls or guys who cheats. If you are in a committed relationship and for some reason you 'fall out of love'...(wo)/man up, and tell the truth. let go of the person before moving on with someone else.

 

It's only difficult if you tell yourself it's difficult. Stop giving excuses.  You are who you are and your partner is who he/she is. Don't try to change them. If you love them, accept them for who they are. Make efforts to keep your relationship alive. don't wait for them...you make the first move. When you know what you need from your relationship and can express those needs to your partner and be okay with allowing them to love you the way they can love you, you will see a shift in your relationship that goes far beyond what you ever could have imagined!

Stop expecting..Disappointment follows unfulfilled expectations. The predicaments that follow are predictable. If your relationship is not full of surprises, it is most likely very boring and may border on being unhealthy. Having healthy needs is a natural and creative attitude to embrace.

 

This was my advice to a friend last week. Love is about discovering oneself and your other half. If you think few months or years is enough...well...think again. I envy looking at older generations / couples.. my parents, my grandparents.. i long for that solidarity in a relationship. god bless them. Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled. This will always generate lots of surprises. That is when the adventure begins; the adventure the heart was crying for. Surprises create a sense of adventure; surprises you can enjoy together; surprises that create new and exciting possibilities for the two of you to experience. Some of the surprises may show up as challenges for the relationship. They bring couples together and give them something to share. When two people really love each other and are committed to work together, those kind of surprises create the kind of conversation that empowers both love partners to continue to self-inquire, to investigate their curiosities about what they can do to stand together, to be challenged by the surprise and know that everything is going to be okay.

 

; )

 

 

 

p/s...i am definately not a certified psychiatrist or anything ..ok. Just enjoy reading ya'll...

sacrifice

A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act - Mahatma Gandhi

This post is dedicated someone very close to my heart...someone who deserves the best of the best.. someone who is so humble in life even when she made the biggest sacrifice in life. my friends always tell me "you are good daughter".. I always correct them : nop, my sister is better...actually the best daughter any parents could get. Being the eldest, you carry a certain responsibility in life &family. Even though i am the eldest, clearly my sister held the most responsibility. She was the rock.  Regardless of being the youngest...she stood strong despite what came. I know she was very scared as I am but she did not show it. When dad was sick and I had to work in KL, she was there taking care of the family at home. Now, after completing her law degree, she willingly gave up her dream of becoming a lawyer to take care of mom. When anyone ask her why, she says mom is her life. How noble is that. She has done more than all that.

All I ask from God each passing day is to bless both mom & her ... they are my life. Willingness to give up your life, career and selflessly taking care of others requires a really BIG heart. I am fortunate and blessed to have a sister with such heart. I know I can never repay you. I know a zillion 'thank you' will never be enough. This is priceless. No matter what, please remember I am grateful.. forever. Only God can repay your kindness, love and sacrifice... I am blessed indeed. Thank you GP.

 

 

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cool huh...

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...shhh