remembering appa...

Feb 24th - every year we used to celebrate appa's b-day..till we lost him forever in 2004. It still hurts. They say memories are golden, well maybe that is true. I never wanted memories, I only wanted YOU. A million times I've needed you, a million times I've cried. If love alone would of saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart you hold a piece, that no one could ever fill. Remembering you is easy Dad, I do it every day...and missing you is something that will never go away. You will never be forgotten, A hallow place in my heart is where you will always stay. I love you pa...& I miss you more each day.

A beautiful memory, dearer than gold,
Of a father whose worth can never be told,
There's a place in my heart no one can fill,
I miss you, Dad, and always will.

His nature was loving and giving,
His heart was made of pure gold,
And to us who truly love him,
His memory will never grow old

 We have lost. Heaven has gained,
The most wonderful Dad this world contained,
There's just one thing makes me glad,
God chose you to be my Dad....

We miss his smile, his kindly ways,
With him we spent all happy days;
On him we always could depend.
If only he were here today
Then this to him we could say,
God bless you, Dad, on your birthday.

Missing you pa....always & forever...

As I Walk Through Life...

I've learned-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned-
that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned-
that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned-
that either you control your
attitude or it controls you.

I've learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned-
that my friends and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be
angry, but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I've learned-
that just because someone doesn't love you the
way you want them to doesn't mean they
don't love you with all they have.

I've learned-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once
in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned-
that it isn't always enough to
be forgiven by others,
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.

I've learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other.

I've learned-
that two people can look at
the exact same thing
and see something totally different.


Emily Adams

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves

your arms too full to embrace the present.

~ Jan Glidewell ~

turn over new leaf

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and
make a new ending - Maria Robinson

Someone wise once said that life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted. Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. So...today let's talk about turning over a new leaf. Basically, we begin living like everyone else but with standards of our own. Work,study, love,etc- living live the way you wanted. I believe that nobody is forced to do something / anything - the actions taken by them are something decided by them. The choices are always ours to make. God gave us brains for a purpose. So, excuses like wrong upbringing and friend's influence for making wrong choices in life are secondary. Realization about making worthy the life granted by God comes in different stages of life. Some may not bother at all. But what ever it is, nobody can be a saint overnight and nobody expects them to be either. The important thing is we know what we really want and we've decided what to do with our life. It may effect the lifestyle, the people @ friends around and other factors in your life. Being prepared may not be essential but learning to adapt to the changes and taking things one at a time will surely help. For some it might even mean losing friends or dear ones. We must understand that turning over a new leaf does not mean drastic changes but rather learning, adapting and transforming into being someone better. Success may not be assured. It is all in your choice, faith and purpose. For every decision we make, we are accountable. Just be who you are and try to live the life worthy of your calling. Be completely humble and make efforts. Alls well ends well.

Be Blessed.

Sincerely Yours...

Sincerity is an openness of heart; we find it in very few people; what we usually see is only an artful dissimulation to win the confidence of others.

LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, Reflections

Being a fanatic fan of korean serials, I was watching '49 days' recently and it led me to write about this topic. In short, the serial was about a soul seeking 3 drops of pure tear from three people who truly love her apart from her family within 49 days. She initially thinks that it will be an easy task since she has many loving friends around her, alas hurtfully she realizes it is not as easy as it seems. So...I started wondering..in life are we ever sincere to ourselves or others ? When are we sincere ?

Anton Chehkov once wrote there should be more sincerity and heart in human relations, more silence and simplicity in our interactions. Wise words indeed. How true ! Sincerity is generally understood to be truth in one's word and actiont.By ‘sincere’ we understand that a person acts according to his/her conscience. There is a test for sincerity and its level of attainments. One who has achieved mental sincerity will not complain about anything. One who has achieved sincerity at the physical level will not meet with failures of any kind in his work.

Rather than being sincere many habitually protect themselves by presenting a mask to the world instead of their true selves. They feel compelled to adopt some carefully constructed persona in place of expressing their real heart, even with their closest friends and intimates. Why? Are we ever sincere in any relationship ? It still troubles me to find that many will answer no - which led me to the next question...why is hard ?

If you can't be sincere to the one you love or your friend...why be in that relationship first of all ? Just putting up a fake connotation with another person does not only hurt them but you as well. If you can't tolerate or don't like to be with a person...wouldn't it be better that you be sincere and accept the fact. Reasons like white lies and taking care of ones' feeling is merely lame excuses to escape. Why torture others and yourself in the process ? It'd be easier to just to be true. But then again..the choice is not mine to make...each individuals decides what is good for them. Hence...the choice is theirs to make.

Be rude when you’re angry, laugh when something is funny, and answer when you’re asked.

-Chekhov

a quote i love

September is a month i dun fancy anymore..just too many heartache & bad memories..

.....

Paulo Coelho once said if pain must come, may it come quickly. because i have a life to live, and i need to live it in the best possible. if we have to make a choice, make it now. waiting is painful. forgetting is painful. but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

and sometimes you know and life is not the same anymore....

To Err Is Human....To Forgive Divine

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget;

the naive forgive and forget;

the wise forgive but do not forget.”

~Thomas S. Szasz ~

Well...i do not know if i can forgive anyone...maybe i can. But i can never seem to forget and this is an habit of mine. I will stay as far as i acn from them after knowing the truth. That's just me. I dun intend to run away from anything it's just that i prefer not to repeat my mistakes again and you can call it cautious escape plan. I am no saint, angel or do gooder...but it's just me. I've trained myself to be so after countless encounters with such people. Hmm...why am I that dumb to repeat my mistakes so many times... God knows ! To err is human...i guess i am a normal human then...maybe now i ought to be divine & forgive. I can. i am not cruel. But to forget will be very difficult....

if only....

Have u ever told someone something precious - (say a secret or smthg close to your heart) only to regret when you find out that person is not the person you thought they were....

what do you do ?

Ever had a constant fear that this person is/has/or might tell others about it. You know how vulnarable we tend to be when we are faced with something heartwrecking...and having this person claiming to be your friend... you pour your heart out...without realizing anythg. My mistake - trust..dun trust anyone easily. i learned it the hardest way possible. Cos u see...only as time passess you will eventually come to know about people... so wait...dun trust someone easily.

What should the solution be ? Shd i just forget it and leave it to God ? Hmm..maybe....I am dumbfounded...blur & worried :(

Better to be known as a sinner than a hypocrite...

A wise man said that a hypocrite despises those whom he/she deceives, but has no respect for themself. He/She would make a dupe of themself too, if they could. With so many going around i couldn't refrain myself from saying something here (instead of @ the person's face)... Call me coward but i just dun think it's worth it.

I dun get it. How can someone perfectly talk nicely in front of you ...say nice things ...ask this & that ....and behind your back...kabooom....diarrhoea of verbal curses...contrast to the praises uttered. I dunno...i really dunno how they can do it. After knowing their true colour I begun to doubt their sincerity and preferred to stay away from such person.

Many told me...advices indeed ... hey, just pretend nothing happen...act normal...The thing is I can't. Everytime i look at their faces ...the truth slaps right across...giving me wake up calls...making me wonder if their friendship is worth it.

My last resort.. stay away...