my mom...

May is a wonderful month. It's not only a month to celebrate Mother's Day but also a month for my sister and I celebrate our mother's birthday. I've always been closer to dad...maybe for being the eldest in the family but mom taught me a lot in life about LIFE...

I still remember my childhood and how mom (a housewife) run the family with dad's small wage. We stayed in a rural area surrounded by jungle with few neighbours. We had no electricity or water facility. Mom used to pump the "gas light" at 6.30 pm everyday and dad would fetch clean water at a market using his old cycle. We also had a well. At nights we're entertained by the cricket and frogs orchestra. No matter how poor we were...we never felt that. Because my parents showered us with so much LOVE. Thinking back, some would call ours a helluva childhood but i cherish it as the BEST. Eating under the moonlight was one great experience i had.

Mom was a strong women. She stayed home looking after her two children when her hubby works hard for the money. She made sure we had everything even when it means she don't have anything for herself. Mom was great. As i grew...i remember there were several times when i was being a jerk. I was rude to mom and treated her bad. Thank god i realized my mistakes soon and regreted everything I've done. I saw how blessed i was and hated myself for being the bad daughter. Now, i am doing everything i can to make my mom happy. After losing dad to cancer in 2004, my sis helped me in various ways to care for mum as I took over the role of dad. I learned a lot from my sister. She was younger than me but her strength was unbelieveable. Maybe she got it from mom.

Mom taught me of confidence, strength to achive the dream and love. I learned from the BEST. She's a living proof that nobody should use poverty as an excuse to stop living. Watching "Bersamamu" on Tv3...I smiled to myself..we've been in worst situation yet mom managed to make the best memories for us to cherish a lifetime. So...here's to you Amma...

Mom,

there are so many moments

when I wish you knew...

how much you matter to me,

and how much I thank you

for being such a wonderful mother

If there is happiness in my heart,

it's because you helped put it there.

If there is gentleness in my beliefs,

it's because you showed me how to care.

If there is understanding in my thinking,

it's because you shared your wisdom.

If there is a rainbow over my shoulder,

it's because of your outlook and your vision.

If there is a knowledge that I can reach out and

I really can make some dreams come true,

it's because I learned from the best teacher of all.

I learned... from you...

In the times of my life,

whether weare near or far,

please remember Mom,

that there could never be any mother

more wonderful...than the one you are..

Thank You Mom

Happy Mother's Day & Happy Birthday :)

I Love You Very Much

Thank You

Recently I was involved in arranging a programme for my division. During the time one of the staff came up to me and said "thank you, for arranging this programme. I'm happy to be here". It was a great compliment for me even tough it was merely few words uttered. My boss didn't say anything and i was not the least worried. Many were complaining that the service provided by the particular venue was not up to their satisfaction. Me, on the other hand turn deaf ears to all the criticism and kept making sure everything went well. At the end of the programme, a few came up and said thank you. Well..it felt good to be appreciated.

Saying "Thank You" is not always easy for everybody. Saying it with a smile is the best impression to give for someone who cares about you. When you received a gift ,you will not turn down your head and turn back, then decided to say the words "Thank You". Or saying the words without any facial expressions that what you say is real. Did you notice that some people hates to express gratitude but they are obligated to do it ,just to try to be nice or pretend that they like you or they like what you give and you can clearly see the facial expression to this person. His/her face does not coordinates the words she/he said. Thank you is free and pleasant to hear ,why can't you express it with your heart. Fake thank you are visible to your heart. You can tell the way the words uttered. Sweet thank you is priceless and genuine.Stop pretending to be nice ,be honest rather giving a fake smile. Some people will say,hmmmmm!!! wait a minute, is this gift worth to say "Thank You?" I would say that even if you do not like what you get but giving it to you with hearts are worth than having the things you like and given by a pretender. I rather happy with your gift if you give it to me heartily even if I do not like it. And you give me the gift that I really like the best but the way you give it is not genuine feelings. I go for the emotion when you hand me your gifts than looking of what is it you are giving. I say Thank You with respect and kind hearted.

Thank you ...for reading this :)

~Kahlil Gibran~

"One day you will ask me which is more important?

My life or yours?

I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life."

~Kahlil Gibran~

Moving on with life....

Letting Go. Releasing. Moving on. These are words that come to mind when holding on to the status quo becomes too painful or takes too much energy. Even when we're ready, it's seldom easy to let go. But when we do, both we and the other person can become the people we were meant to be—loving without feeling we must control or be dependent on the other for our happiness. The healing and release we feel when we're finally able to truly let go can't happen, however, until we allow a shift to occur within us, until we're ready for a new way of looking at things, a perspective that is expressed very well in these lines...

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else.
To "let go" is not to cut myself off. It's the realization that I can't control another.
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. It's to make the most of myself.
To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.

A very good indicator of wisdom, positive attitude as well as sound mental health is found in our capacity to let go. Life is a series of choices of how to behave. Often we make these choices automatically, without really being aware of what we are choosing or why. No matter who left who, if you loved him or her, you're hurting. There's no point in denying it and no future in wallowing in it. Letting go is simply making a decision – no longer to allow something from the past to influence your life now or to reduce your inner sense of peace and well-being....

Of Friends and Hypocrites....

"The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for." - Homer

Someone once told me...hard times teaches us of who can be a real friend and who is a hypocrite. Well...i realized that recently. I know that nobody is perfect. But why is it so difficult for someone to be a good friend. It doesn't require much. Maybe i am being paranoid...but then that's me. I would treat all my friends like family with hope they do the same. Alas...many differ. Some backstab...some pretend...some hypocrite...some deceive. Hmm...but i am also fortunate to find some who is true.And these people i will cherish. I found these friends during hard times cos they stood by me, encouraged me and healed me with words of wisdom. It's amazing how these testing times can help determine our true friends but it does. Well...if not the saying "Friends in need are friends indeed" wouldn't have existed. I can't promise these special people anything but to be there for them...stand by them and help them with what i can. God works in mysterious ways...and this is the lesson i've learned today...

"True friends are two people who are comfortable sharing silence together."

Don't cry to me.

If you loved me,

You would be here with me.

You want me,

Come find me.

Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?

Lose it all?

So maybe you can remember yourself.

Can't keep believing,

We're only deceiving ourselves .

And I'm sick of the lie,

And you're too late.

Couldn't take the blame.

Sick with shame.

Must be exhausting

to lose your own game.

Selfishly hated,

No wonder you're jaded.

You can't play the victim this time,

And you're too late.

You never call me when you're sober.

You only want it cause it's over,

It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?

How could I - you were never mine.

~E~

The truth is always more painful than a lie...

"We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Why do we lie ? Because lie is a favorable answer when truth is what we don't want to face. Lie always hide whereas truth always reveals and there is no pain for hiding but there certainly is in revealing.We have a greater latitude in fashioning and tailoring our lies, which in turn feed forward into synthetic self-ishness, than we have in being honest and factual. It is most important to be "honest to God."Truth is about actions as well as words. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a situation where lie is not an option but need. Example when a relationship fails..and u just need that privacy to be silent for some time. I often read about the celebrities filing for divorce or going separate ways and i can't help but to think...why these matter need to be publisized...an then i come to an understanding that it's a price to be paid when you are famous. Maybe by that they face 'the truth' easier (even when it hurts) and go on with life. For lay people like you and me...sharing the truth may sometime be difficult especially if it is private & confidential....resulting in few white lies that we tell to cover up for a while till we have the guts to open up to others.Is this wrong ? The need to justify our actions shows we care that lying is NOT an option but due to circumstances we're forced to lie till we have the courage to unleash the truth that hurts...

"If you don't tell anyone, you can pretend it never happened, but as soon as you tell, it becomes a reality, and you have to face it."

Tribute to my dad...

17th of June...Father's Day. Memories of dad linger on my mind. The most excruciating painful experience I've ever had was losing my dad. He's been gone for 3 years now, and it's still very difficult to talk much about his death. His death has affected my life deeply. You see, it was quite unexpected. He was only 51 years-old when he died of brain tumor. Probably losing Dad hurt so much because he was very special to me. Dad's death has caused a void in many lives, but not so much as in the lives of his wife and two children. It has hurt us very much. The most !

It has been the greatest lost in my life but like Mitch Albom said "Death ends a life, not a relationship..." Dad will always have that special place in our heart even it'll never be the same. I dreamt of dad sometimes...as if he is still alive and nothing happened but then ..when i wake up..it's all merely a dream. Friends out there reading this...if you haven't talked to your dad for awhile, you had better get over there, or pick up that telephone, before it's too late. We were always told to believe that after losing someone...the memory will keep us alive. Yet...my heart aches and memories never seem to be enough. I want to hug my dad..i want to talk to him..i want to sleep beside him and mom..i want to be scolded by him... i want to see him smile...i want to see him.. see him in front of me alive...! It's not possible i know... sometimes not even my words can describe the pain in my heart.

Pa, I love you with all my heart, and I miss you so very, very much.....Happy Father's Day!

Six Degrees Of Separation ?

Six degrees of separation is the theory that anyone on the planet can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than five intermediaries. The theory was first proposed in 1929 by the Hungarian writer Frigyes Karinthy in a short story called "Chains."

We all know it's a small world: Any one of us is only about six acquaintances away from anyone else. Even in the vast confusion of the World Wide Web, on the average, one page is only about 16 to 20 clicks away from any other. We use "structural cues" in our local network of friends. "It's a collective phenomenon. Collectively the network knows how to find people even if no one person does.

Is this a fact or fiction ? You tell me...

Not Ready To Make Nice by Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I'm not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying
I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her Daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Sayin' that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

~DC~

Friendship, as understood here, is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy. As such, friendship is undoubtedly central to our lives, in part because the special concern we have for our friends must have a place within a broader set of concerns, including moral concerns, and in part because our friends can help shape who we are as persons. Given this centrality, important questions arise concerning the justification of friendship and, in this context, whether it is permissible to “trade up” when someone new comes along, as well as concerning the possibility of reconciling the demands of friendship with the demands of morality in cases in which the two seem to conflict.

Why i decide talking about this now... is because i encountered a situation where the 'friendship' was sort of destroyed by 'love'. Can't elaborate much on that...but this is what i found somewhere which i'd like to share with you...

For Aristotle, there are three kinds of friendship based on three kinds of affection that unite people. First, in a friendship of utility, the affection is based on the benefit or use the friends derive from the relationship. Each person gets something out of the friendship that is to his advantage, and the mutual benefit of the relationship is what unites the two people.

Second, in a pleasant friendship the basis of affection is the pleasure one gets out of the relationship. One sees the friend as a cause of some pleasure for himself. This friendship is primarily about “having fun together.” The friends may listen to the same music, play the same sport, enjoy the same form of exercise, live in the same dormitory, or like to hang out at the same nightclub. The two people may sincerely care about each other and wish each other well in life, but what unites them as friends is primarily the pleasure or “good times” they experience together.

For Aristotle, the third form of friendship is friendship in the fullest sense. It can be called virtuous friendship because the two friends are united not in self-interest, but in the pursuit of a common goal: “the good life,” the moral life that is found in virtue. The problem with useful and pleasant friendships is that the emphasis is on what I get out of the relationship. However, in the virtuous friendship, the two friends are committed to pursuing something outside themselves, something that goes beyond their selfinterests. And it is this higher good that unites them in friendship. Striving side-by-side toward the good life and encouraging one another in the virtues, the true friend is primarily concerned not with what he gets out of the friendship, but with what is best for his friend and with pursuing the virtuous life with his friend.

So...which is yours ?